Apple and U2 Proves Today's Generation Is Spoiled

Way back when I was a kid, if someone gave us a 45, a small two sided vinyl record with one song on each side, we would thank them. If we liked the songs, we would play the record until it was wore out...If we didn't like the song, we'd give it to someone else.

I remember winning a contest on a nationally syndicated radio show when I was in my early teens. The prize was six cassette tales, I had no clue which cassettes were being sent but they were free and who complained about free music? When I got the package, it contained six cassettes including Debbie Gibson's Anything Is Possible, New Kids On The Block's No More Games, Prince's Diamonds and Pearls, Martika's Kitchen by Martika, Black Box's Dreamland and Kathy Troccoli's Pure Attraction album. All of the tapes came with a stamp on the cover which read, "For Promotional Use Only-Not For Sale." I didn't care for a few of the tapes but they were free and I came to enjoy most of the songs that I didn't already know.

When Napster, Limewire and all the music stealing sites popped their heads out of the weeds, you really didn't hear people complaining until users on the sites were sent cease and desist notices. Oh my goodness, whatever will we do? Pay for the music...just like before. Then came sites that offered "sound-a-like" artists, those seriously pissed people off because they would pay for subscriptions not realizing the songs weren't by the original artists or sometimes just karaoke versions until they downloaded them.

Amazon, iTunes and a few other sites became the go to download sites for music...where people honestly pay for their music. Promos and free songs are occasionally available through the sites but usually by emerging or lessor known artists as a way to kick start their popularity. A few popular artists threw out a downloadable albums for free. Google Play recently gave it's users free downloads of Katy Perry's Prism album, of course it has been out for a while though...However, this gave many people the opportunity to add it to their collection for free and no one complained.

September 2014, iTunes invested MILLIONS of dollars in a gift to it's users...ALL of it's users of iPhones, iPods, iPads and pretty much any iTunes connected device. This gift set off a shit storm for sure. I was actually excited to find a free album on my iPod but I guess my feeling was not universal. I saw everything from people threatening to sue Apple to people asking "What's a U2?" to others complaining the album's in their cloud. Has society become so ungrateful that they can't graciously accept a gift? Whether it's their taste in music or not, it's free. I have a feeling these are the same people that throw tantrums on their birthdays or Christmas day when they realize they didn't get EXACTLY what they wanted. I really don't get how people can complain about something they get for free. If you don't like a radio station, do you sit and listen to it anyway? No, you turn it. If you are reading a book that you don't like, do you continue reading it? No, you put it down. So what do you do if you don't like an album? Delete it and move the fuck on.

I gave the album a spin and enjoyed it. It's not what I expected from U2 but it's definitely a nicely produced album in my opinion. Had I not received the album for free, I probably would never had listened to it but I'm glad I did. I have thousands of CD's in my music collection and this gift was a welcome addition.

Waiting Tables in Fayetteville, Georgia...NO BUENO!

I've never worked in an area with people that are SO picky and have a sense of entitlement that they abuse and treat their servers as servants...Until I started working as a server in Fayetteville, Georgia. The key to making any money in my restaurant is volume because the quality of the customer is...well...not exactly quality. Most of my coworkers consistently use the word ratchet to describe a least one person at every other table or a complete party of people. Many "issues" are created by customers not reading the menu or not asking questions while they order. If you order with confidence and you act like you know what you're doing I do not question you...However, when you get the food or drink you ordered and it's exactly as you ordered but you try to explain what you really meant...that's YOUR fault because my job description does not include reading what's inside your pot filled brain.

Some people LOVE to "tip" with this sort of thing. One side is a copy of money and other other side is a Jesus message.

Each shift, I make notes of situations that I encounter just because I love to write and I'll write about anything. Here's a sample of some of those encounters dating back from March to now...I have a lot more but this is just a few.

Scene 1
ADRIAN: Hi, my name is Adrian, can I start you off with a Watermelon or Wildberry Punch?
CUSTOMER: Ooh, Watermelon sounds good, I'll have that if it got free refills.
ADRIAN: No mam, cocktails aren't refillable.
CUSTOMER: You ain't say nothing about alcohol.
ADRIAN: I'm sorry mam, the Watermelon punch is made with Vodka. How about a Strawberry Lemonade?
CUSTOMER: Do that be free refill?
ADRIAN: Yes mam.
CUSTOMER: How much it?
ADRIAN: $3
CUSTOMER: I want water with LOTS of lemon.
I walk away bitching under my breath about her ghetto lemonade she'll be making with the lots of lemon.

Scene 2
Woman on her phone and I don't realize she is.
ADRIAN: Hi my name is A----
CUSTOMER: STICKS HAND UP WITH DIRTY LOOK Water with lemon NO ICE
ADRIAN: Any appitizers?
CUSTOMER: NECK ROLL and she shouts NO!
 I walk away and take my time getting EVERYTHING, "forget" to put her order in until she's off the phone and give her the smallest lemon with more peel than fruit.

Scene 3
ADRIAN: My name is Adrian, can I start you off with a Tangarine Grapefruit Margarita?
CUSTOMER: What you got for the kits? *that's how she said it*
ADRIAN: Pepsi products, tea, milk, it's all listed right here on the kid's menu.
CUSTOMER: What juice come with they meals.
ADRIAN: Our kid's meals don't include juices but we do offer a kid's portion of Pineapple, Cranberry, Orange and Grapefruit juice to kids for $1.99 each.
CUSTOMER: What? No apple juice?
ADRIAN: No mam.
CUSTOMER: Is it with free refills?
ADRIAN: No mam.
CUSTOMER: You run your business like it doesn't like kits.

Scene 4
THIS IS AN ISSUE THAT O'CHARLEY'S CREATED WITH THE NAMING OF THE DRINK WE HAVE TO PROMOTE AT EVERY TABLE.
ADRIAN: Hi my name is Adrian, can I start you off with a Wildberry Punch?
CUSTOMER: Yes Adrian, we will have fruit punch for the kids and water for me.
ADRIAN: Actually we don't have fruit punch, we do have lemonade.
CUSTOMER: *mocking me in her best fake white people voice* Actually we don't have fruit punch, we do have lemonade. But you just said punch.
ADRIAN: That's a cocktail I was offering to YOU and it's made with tequila.
CUSTOMER: OH, we will all have water and they need theirs in cups with tight lids and straws and bring us lots of lemons and limes and we will need more sugar packets than what's already on the table. And no ice in any of them, we like our ice on the side in indiviual cups. Are you ever gonna bring us the biscuits ya'll are supposed to bring us?

I turned walked away talking to myself loud enough to be heard talking to myself but no ever what was said.

These make me VERY angry.

Scene 5:
CUSTOMER: I'm ready, I want the cowboy sirloin, medium with no pink or red. Bacon smashed potatoes and no bacon and instead of the onions on top, I want sweet potato fries.
ADRIAN: OK that would actually be the Petite Sirloin WELL done with a side of sweet potato fries and smashed potatoes no bacon.
CUSTOMER: REPEATS HIS ORIGINAL ORDER
ADRIAN: Sir, Well done means there's no red or pink in the center, the petite sirloin is the same as the cowboy but it comes with two sides. The onions on the cowboy aren't a side that can be switched out, they are a garnish.
CUSTOMER: Oh OK, I thought it would just be cheaper to do it that way.

Customer leaves $15 on a $13 check and a 20% off coupon with his cash....This isn't as bad as it sounded.

Scene 6:
CUSTOMER: Ain't ya'll got no pizza?
ADRIAN: No mam, we are a bar and grill mainly known for salads, ribs, steak, burgers and stuff like that.
CUSTOMER: I was hoping to have pizza, can't ya'll do something like that on a hamburger bun?
ADRIAN: No mam.
CUSTOMER: I guess I'll just take chicken fingers but can you put them on the rolls ya'll have, like the nibblerz at Zaxby's?
ADRIAN: I'll bring you rolls and you're tenders will be out shortly.

Scene 7:
Adrian: My name is....
CUSTOMER: Your manager is a friend of mine so you BETTER take good care of us. He's the heavy set one. What's his name again?
ADRIAN: I'll be right back

*I find another server and tell them that table requested them specifically and it's ok that they take my table.*


Scene 8:
***CUSTOMER DRINKS ALL BUT A SIP OF HER LONG ISLAND TEA AND WAVES ME DOWN***
CUSTOMER: Adrian, this didn't have no liquor in it, it's all cola. You aren't charging me for it are you?
ADRIAN: Mam, I watched her pour the ingredients, I was the one that topped it off with the splash of soda. It's just a SPLASH of soda. I'll get the manager for you.
I COME BACK TO THE TABLE WITH THE CHECK THE MANAGER PRINTED INCLUDING THE DRINK
CUSTOMER: Your manager is mean, he wouldn't give me that drink for free. I'm a regular customer.
ADRIAN: You're a regular customer where? When you sat down, you said it was your first time eating here and asked me to explain the menu.
***CUSTOMER LEFT $28 CASH ON A $18 CHECK...SHE KNEW SHE WAS CAUGHT***

Scene 9:
*FOOD RUNNER DELIVERS FOOD JUST AS THE 3 GUYS ORDERS. EXACTLY AS THEY ORDERED.
CUSTOMER 1 Wild West Burger Well French Fries
CUSTOMER 2 Chicken Fried Steak Smashed Potatoes
CUSTOMER 3 Cowboy Sirloin Medium Well Smashed Potatoes

CUSTOMER 2: This don't look like the menu, I WON'T (not want) the Wild West Burger LIKE HIS but WELL WELL DONE with French Fries.

*I COME BACK TO LET THEM KNOW IT'S WORKING*

CUSTOMER 3: Dis ain't eatable, I say Medium Rare but it got blood in the middle.
ADRIAN: Yes sir, that's medium rare. I'll be back in a second.
*I was a little busy at the time so I sent the manager over who figured out the guy thought RARE meant tender. A WELL done Cowboy is redelivered to the table and on a $40 check they leave me $5 and tell me I did great.

Scene 10:
I GREET TABLE
MOM: Hi Adrian, I'm Cindy and these are my 3 boys. Johnny is 11, Sean is 9 and our 6 year old Mark only answers to "Jessica" John, what would you like to drink?
JOHN: Chocolate Milk
ADRIAN: Big cup ok?
MOM: Yes. Sean?
SEAN: Pepsi.
ADRIAN: Big cup ok for you too Sean?
MOM: Yes, that's fine. And Jessica, what would you like to drink?
MARK/JESSICA: I'd like a Pink Lemonade and please make sure it's in a large cup also.


Scene 10 is the reason I love working with the public...As you probably figured out, 9 out of 10 customers really put my antidepressants and antianxiety meds into overdrive. If you think I'm grumpy when I come to your table, have mercy on me...chances are, I've dealt with 1-9 all night.

Potty Time

You know that people that can use any bathroom, anytime, regardless of where it is or who's in the room with them? I am NOT one of those people and I can't wrap my head around Proud Poopers. I've worked with and known a lot of proud poopers...they are the people that you see in your office with a smile on their face and a rolled up magazine of newspaper in their hand or under their arm making their way to the restroom.

How does one become poop confident? Have you ever noticed proud poopers are the ones that seem to be able to make paint peel or wallpaper start curling at the corners? They also seem to be the ones that frequently don't flush, knowing they didn't and not caring who happens to come upon their mess.
David Sedaris has a great story in his book "Me Talk Pretty One Day" regarding a "BIG BOY" someone left in the commode at a party . The story perfectly chronicles a situation we've all found ourselves in...or at least me.

I'm seriously bathroom shy, I think my grandmother on my mom's side for my bathroom phobia. The woman seemed obsessed with the bathroom habits of others. I remember my uncle John telling everyone about a time that my grandmother made a casserole and included some sort of laxatives in it to make sure everyone stayed regular...Uncle John ate a pack of prunes a day and let's just say a double does of poop inducing substances made for a hilarious and memorable story that I'll never forget.

The summer of 1980, before we moved into the Holiday Subdivision in Mobile my mom, sister and I stayed with my grandparents for a few months. I enjoyed my bathroom time...mainly because it was the only time I didn't hear my grandmother's voice...she talked...A LOT. So I'm in the bathroom, just finished using the bathroom and start to tug on the toilet paper roll...3 sheets into the pull and I hear my grandmother's midwestern accent from behind the wall announcing "That's more than enough." It scared the shit out of me. Was I on Candid Camera? Are you kidding 3 sheets? I guess that's enough for someone that insisted on using A Kleenex until it was crusty and in pieces and even still, it's usefulness hadn't yet expired...You got it...one more wipe was in that baby before it got flushed.

Do you know what that does to a guy? Ever been in the bathroom in a store or restaurant or office and seen the door open and close but no one comes in? It wasn't a ghost...It was probably me. I'll pee in public only if I know no one is in the restroom...unless I'm about to piss on myself...Weird for a guy that's made a few G's by peeing on pervs huh? I thank my grandmother for my uncanny talent of avoiding the can and holding it until I get home.

Over time, I found several businesses that I knew weren't poopable places...Borders (now closed), Barnes and Noble, Wal-Mart, Target (unless it's in the family restroom), Home Depot, Lowes and Best Buy. If there's a hole in the stall wall...keep your fingers out of it and don't look at it or put your business anywhere near it. For every restroom I avoid, I found one I din't mind...Nordstrom, Belk, Hobby Lobby, World Market, Publix and Marriott Hotel lobbies.

BTW, a funny OR sad fact about me: I have actually gone as far as closing a shop I managed for an hour just to go home and poop...Thanks granny!!!

ABC's Running Down My Legs

This is one of those experienced that I wish I could erase from my memory every time I think of it. Sort of nasty but amusing at the same time.

During the summer when I was out of school, my mom always had lunch ready for me around 12:30. I always knew to be in the house by 12:30 or I'd get nothing to eat. My lunches were basically simple, either a ham or turkey sandwich on white bread and Delchamps, Winn Dixie or Piggly Wiggly store branded BBQ or Sour Cream and Onion chips or a can of soup and crackers. I actually preferred soup over sandwiches. My mom kept a variety of soups in the pantry, Chicken with Stars, Chicken Noodle, Vegetable Beef and Alphabet Soup. Essentially, my lunch consisted of a low calorie liquid diet...BTW, the soups were usually store brands, not Campbells. I didn't care and to this day, I can't really tell the difference since they all taste like salt.

For dinner, my mom, sometimes unsure of herself, would fry chicken...Seasoned well but usually burned on one side and the other side would look perfect but the meat by the bone would be cold and sometimes not well cooked...yes this does figure into this story.
So this one really hot summer day, after I'd had my lunch consisting of soup, I'm at the neighbor's house. They had a pool and we didn't. Kim McKenzie would invite me over when she had nothing else to do...which didn't happen very often because her mom didn't really care for me...she thought I was a weird child, he had a weird son also but I guess no one realized that until later on. So Kim and I are playing in the pool, and all of a sudden I feel a hot rumble in my tummy. I knew I had a minute or so to get to the bathroom. Kim told me I'd have to go home to use the bathroom...Little did she know I'd already peed in the pool, twice.

I make it home, to find the doors were locked. I ring the doorbell, no answer. I run to the back door and entry door from our utility/laundry room to find they are locked also. My mom would sometimes lock us out of the house during the day to give us plenty of outside play time and keep us out of her hair. I was desperately trying to get into the house, mom didn't know that I wasn't allowed to use the McKenzie's bathroom. I remember my sister sometimes leaves her bedroom window lock unlocked so I run back around the house, standing barefoot in the bushes wearing only a pair of shorts only to realize the window is locked that day. By this time, my shorts are completely dried, I wasn't supposed to have been in the pool that day anyway so I thought I'd have no problem fooling my mom thanks to fast drying shorts. I run over to my bedroom window...LOCKED also...my stomach was churning my ass burning and my feet are hurting from the pine bark my dad kept under the bushes. Standing in the bushes I look down and all of a sudden I can't hold it anymore...I look down and see ABCDEFG, carrot, L M N O SHIT I gotta pee too. So I shit myself so I might as well piss myself also. The slightly undercooked chicken from the night before caught up with me. I think I'm done so I turn on the waterhose next to me to clean myself up. I run next door to find Kim going inside, she was done swimming. So there I am, not wet from the pool but from our waterhose and I have to go back home.

As I round the corner I find my mom standing at the front window and here I come running from the neighbor's house WET. She slammed open the door and said "I heard the waterhose come on." Seriously? I'm ringing the doorbell, knocking and trying to get in and the only thing that gets her attention is the sound of the waterhose? She assumed I was trying to rinse the chlorine smell off of me I guess...since I wasn't supposed to be in the pool that day.

So a recap of the events
Undercooked Chicken.
Swimming next door when I should have just been playing Barbies with Kim.
Peed in the pool twice, not allowed to use the McKenzie bathroom.
Locked out of the house.
Spewed the alphabet from my ass.
Washed myself off.
Waterhose get's mom's attention over the doorbell and beating on the doors.

And the grand finale...I got an ass whoopin' in wet shorts...Let's just say a belt hitting your ass in something wet is JUST like getting whipped while naked.

The house...though it looked NOTHING like this when I lived there.